Monday, 16 May 2011

On imperfection/perfection.

Did you ever have this desperate desire for perfection in all spheres of life when there's an examination coming up? The rare regular readers of this blog (which consists of mostly the narcissistic me) will know that examinations give me an extra adrenalin rush to blog, and hence I have to comply with one of my typical posts.

The world suddenly comes alive when the only alternative (and for the rather not-so-happening people like me, often the only choice) is to study. I came back home from a very happy evening with friends coated lavishly with sentimental mutual thoughts like 'what will happen when college ends' and all that brouhaha; and saw that the current was gone and the sky was dark and starry. The moonlight had created shadows with the trees, trying to boast of it's borrowed glories. I took a brisk walk in the backyard (surprisingly for a thin person like me, I am excessively fond of walking) and had one of those realisations of how merry life is and et cetera.

Without the impending sadness of examinations I wouldn't have seen life with such saccharine-tinted glasses. Not to say that I dislike examination, but I do hate the idea of preparing for them, and I'm not much of a daredevil to actually sit for an important one without preparing. The results shall hurt the Great Female Ego, which, contrary to popular perception, does exist, you know.

My mother now is perpetually surprised (and I dare say pleased) because I more or less clean my room regularly and not only that, I am often seen at 4 am in the morning with a vacuum cleaner and a grim mission to set scores with the dusts in the whole apartment. Added to my life-long passion and ability to kill cockroaches and delicately hurl other winged things out of the balcony, this is a renewed me that my mother must necessarily be proud of. (However, I usually made peace with dirt before. But with time I must have become somewhat of a lousy grown up in face of examinations, and I can see my future with a broom and a cat for company).

Whenever I sit to study, I find some obscure book in the shelves out of order, or the edge of the bed-cover folded to my dislike. The window just isn't appropriately open or the speed of the fan just can't reach perfection. The whole world crumbles around me with it's imperfections and I embark upon my journey to straighten that small representation of the world that my room and periphery offers. Of course the greatest imperfection is left unattended, and it occasionally logs on to write obscure blogs. But there are certain things that just can't be mended.

Now that I study a subject whose understanding lies in higher studies and beyond (and I am sure it will remain as vague to me even then), examinations won't let go of me. Hence with much reluctance I must admit that I can see the path to my future well from here.

However, if my sister was reading this post, she would be happy beyond her senses; but a warning goes out to her that I am hopeful that such behaviour is temporary. And my sense of cleanliness and hers is radically different anyway. :|


Ritwik Goswami said...

Happy Birthday Miss-mysteriously disappeared off facebook, brilliant post :)

Olive Oyl said...

@Ritwik: thank you so much. :) In one of my not-so-people-friendly phases. Shall resume a week or two before the exams ;)