Sunday, 22 May 2011

On one's calling and all that

The world often intimidates me. (Had I been appropriately intellectual, I would have dared to comment that it amuses me, and get away with it). I am one of those typical nerds who likes to sit with her dog eared books and read about how a sixteenth century king managed his extra-marital affairs. It's like tabloid for the insipid. In brief, as many claim, I am one of those fellows who live in a slightly different generation altogether, unaware of the fast-paced reality around us. Ah well. My shortcomings.

I see people around me doing unimaginably enterprising tasks. There are fellows who are suave talkers, fellows who get into great professional courses that provide them with cool jobs at the end of the day, while they are happy to see their books out of their shelves and houses. But there are some fellows who actually like to study you know. Of course when some remark that history is all about mugging up and is appropriate for the dimwitted and the uninitiated, One usually complies with their humble observations. The proverbial case of each unto his own.

I intend to stay in academics, mostly because I am nerdy and I am not enterprising enough for anything else. To be fair, I'll enjoy it too. (or so I think till I change my decision) I once thought of taking up journalism as a career option but halfway down college I realized that it isn't exactly my Calvinist calling. And as I came to conclusion with one of my college fellows, what better than history to be an intellectual prick in the adipose-blessed posterior merely by quoting one's syllabus?

But somewhere down the line, I just don't think it is easy to convince some people that one can actually look forward to an un-enterprising geeky uncool life, appreciating it as way better than slogging all the time without getting enough time to sleep, you know.

Oh well, the intricacies of the mature world.

Friday, 20 May 2011

Old school thoughts. :)

Once upon a time when I was nine years old with two pigtails and a height that didn't evolve much later, I remember staring at the fan when I was trying to sleep. As I looked at it, I thought proudly of my sister who'll be leaving school to enter college that year, and I convinced myself that if I blinked hard enough, I might reach grow ten years older to become her age, the moment I woke up. (I was a dreamy lousy unsocial kid then, so my past time consisted of such weird science-defying approaches towards life).

Somewhere down the line I have grown-up remembering this little idea of mine. I blinked in the normal rate I assume, but nevertheless the day came by quite soon. And passed.

It's strange that years pass faster nowadays. It seems like it was a few days ago when I promised myself that I my first priority will be my old associations, as I survived the first class in college. And now we are about to become the senior-most, and priorities have uneasily shifted to and fro with a natural grace that makes it harder to complain.

I like the laid back life where we won't have to worry of what's going to become of the future. But it does bother me as unfortunately no matter how wise I try to pretend, this is my temperament.

All of a sudden, when I remember those days when I wished to grow up in a jiffy, I wonder if my wishes have been granted too fast.

But then, I was a dreamy lousy unsocial kid then, so this has been an improvement.

Monday, 16 May 2011

On imperfection/perfection.

Did you ever have this desperate desire for perfection in all spheres of life when there's an examination coming up? The rare regular readers of this blog (which consists of mostly the narcissistic me) will know that examinations give me an extra adrenalin rush to blog, and hence I have to comply with one of my typical posts.

The world suddenly comes alive when the only alternative (and for the rather not-so-happening people like me, often the only choice) is to study. I came back home from a very happy evening with friends coated lavishly with sentimental mutual thoughts like 'what will happen when college ends' and all that brouhaha; and saw that the current was gone and the sky was dark and starry. The moonlight had created shadows with the trees, trying to boast of it's borrowed glories. I took a brisk walk in the backyard (surprisingly for a thin person like me, I am excessively fond of walking) and had one of those realisations of how merry life is and et cetera.

Without the impending sadness of examinations I wouldn't have seen life with such saccharine-tinted glasses. Not to say that I dislike examination, but I do hate the idea of preparing for them, and I'm not much of a daredevil to actually sit for an important one without preparing. The results shall hurt the Great Female Ego, which, contrary to popular perception, does exist, you know.

My mother now is perpetually surprised (and I dare say pleased) because I more or less clean my room regularly and not only that, I am often seen at 4 am in the morning with a vacuum cleaner and a grim mission to set scores with the dusts in the whole apartment. Added to my life-long passion and ability to kill cockroaches and delicately hurl other winged things out of the balcony, this is a renewed me that my mother must necessarily be proud of. (However, I usually made peace with dirt before. But with time I must have become somewhat of a lousy grown up in face of examinations, and I can see my future with a broom and a cat for company).

Whenever I sit to study, I find some obscure book in the shelves out of order, or the edge of the bed-cover folded to my dislike. The window just isn't appropriately open or the speed of the fan just can't reach perfection. The whole world crumbles around me with it's imperfections and I embark upon my journey to straighten that small representation of the world that my room and periphery offers. Of course the greatest imperfection is left unattended, and it occasionally logs on to write obscure blogs. But there are certain things that just can't be mended.

Now that I study a subject whose understanding lies in higher studies and beyond (and I am sure it will remain as vague to me even then), examinations won't let go of me. Hence with much reluctance I must admit that I can see the path to my future well from here.

However, if my sister was reading this post, she would be happy beyond her senses; but a warning goes out to her that I am hopeful that such behaviour is temporary. And my sense of cleanliness and hers is radically different anyway. :|