Saturday, 26 June 2010

Essay on Powercut and very hot people.

The original post is here:

This is a very serious essay on powercut. During powercuts the lights go off. Usually they happen when Kolkata Knight Riders are playing decently. Loser people call up other loser people during this time. Naughty naughty people enjoy powercuts, you know why. Though I think they can switch off the lights when they want to anyway. But I guess all the other folks in the house will laugh then. Us silly Indians. We always like to do naughty naughty things in the dark. Like taking money as bribes. We like to take them from under the table while we wear pure white dresses to show off our pristine purity. You see, it's the system that has made us like this. We really don't want to be so naughty.

Hopeless going- to- be- twenty girls play during powercuts. They take the candle and sing Noorie Noorie. It is really funny but unfortunately the people around these girls don't have a sense of humour. You see, we are serious people.

Babies cry when it is dark. It's another issue that they cry even when there is light.. Screaming babies aren't childplay to most gonna-be-twenties. They feel very scared and wish that a handsome boy was nearby. But since they are hopeless they don't have handsome boys nearby.

These hopeless girls also feel scared that their good grandparents up with God are going to visit them in the dark. They are usually scared of ghosts and so they call up other people and scare them too. Hopeless gonna-be-twenties are stupid. They don't know that ghosts don't waste time on boring people.

It is also the time when men with salivating tongues stare at poor lonely girl in the dark. These men like to stare. They also like to comment and whistle. They don't whistle very nicely. I can whistle better than them and may be I should teach them someday. My school has taught me that whatever I do, I should do well. May be they did not learn anything in school. I feel sorry for them. May be they should go to school. When I grow up I shall do a big charity show where I will gather money for poor men who can't behave.

The powercuts switch off the fan too. This is summer. We all feel very hot. Even our school principal looks hot in summer. For we all sweat and the temperature is very high. Pretty girls can't untie their hair to show how pretty she looks in summer. The sweat and oil makes the hair look like a rope. That isn't pretty. But as my father says, pretty girls look pretty all the time. And so they look pretty all the time.

It is very hot now too. The lights and fans have just regained consciousness so I am going to publish this post. For all those who've read beyond the first line, thank you. You have proven that you have immense patience. May you get married soon

Friday, 18 June 2010

Tiger tiger burning bright

They came, they growled, they conquered...(or I think they rather went back to sleep). Or at least that’s how tigers behaved in the zoos. Tigers aren’t really just an entertainment in the behind the cages. They mean a lot more to the nation.

They inspired the famous Tiger striped trousers that heroines of the nineties have worn with √©lan, yellow trousers clinging to areas that today’s lingo will categorise as plus size while they were at their famous jhatkas and the matkas. Paired with yellow shirt and high boots, they completed the picture of an odd amalgamation of western casual culture and a typical sense of Over The Top (OTT) tendencies in tinsel town fashion. Hero in red jacket, wavy hair and macho sun-glasses would complete the picture. Without tigers, most cars in India would have had a vacant look. I mean, most people familiar with Indian roads is bound to see a car that ha a rather ferocious Big Cat perched at its rear, sitting in a regally formidable position. They usually have a scowl on their faces instead of a look of regal growls that are so famous in the back of Lorries and public buses. Their ferocious growling expression is usually accompanied by the word ‘danger’ in various innovative spellings and a couple of flags of the nation proudly proclaiming how great India is.

These beasts are so revered in our country that anything or anyone that does the country proud in a rather ferocious don’t-mess-with-me kind of a way gets the tiger tag. And thus Sharmila Tagore has a husband whom the nation fondly calls Tiger. Talking of the celebrity world, to many people, Rahul Roy is famous as the actor who metamorphosed into a tiger by night, prowling here and there (for some reason that I forgot.). Amitabh Bachchan’s character in the movie Hum was called Tiger. However tacky the name sounded, it kind of suited his character of macho guy working for local goonda and yet being the saviour of his brothers and finally the movie, beat up all the baddies at one go. I also wonder how Shehnaz Hussain would have survived for so long if she didn’t try to imitate the looks of a tiger, with all the lion kind of a head thrown in to add more glamour if that was ever possible. She would have shrivelled to something not so blatantly eye- catching, if you know what I mean. But now every person who has seen her once will probably remember her for the rest of his life, even if he has no clue about her products.

SO, to think of it, tigers are associated with the country more deeply than scientific datas will ever be able to prove. It is a different issue that it has inspired several of the nation’s fashion faux pas of yesteryears. But the fact remains that it is intertwined with the nation’s life. Simply put, saving them would do good, because their loss shall be deeply felt by many.