Saturday, 8 March 2008

The good, The Bad (and the ugly)


I just added the 'ugly' or else the title would not have looked complete :D

I have a dual character. And I am perfectly conscious and proud of it. A part of me was born to generate trouble. And since then I have become the perennial source of maladies for my parents and for all the other people associated with me. The day I was born, my mother had to gulp bouts of oxygen for I had drained her of it. She is still in the same condition psychologically from the day I opened my mouth to talk, and blew her off with all my questions. I was frustrated (again) with studies and without due respect, I censured every person I could recall who were or are in the field of education and responsible for carrying out the damning exams. (My parents are professors.) I finished my extensively animated and creative political-leader type speech successfully saying that I am about to turn eighteen and my parents should simply marry me off. My mother heaved a sigh of relief at the thought that I was finished at last, cursed Ishwarchandra Vidyasagar for pioneering women’s education, and went off to study the population geography of China in Wikipedia. The nikamma daughter in me wakes up at 12 noon, keeps her room dirty, and at times even herself, spends the rest of the day loitering here and there, mostly outside the house, goes around with people, stays online most of the time or else is hooked to the phone and uses plethora of horny jokes.

The good side of me is also always cracking pathetic jokes and trying to study at the eleventh hour for a decent result, and at times even much before an examination is even announced, is a front- bencher in class and tries to answer most of the questions the teachers ask. She is a narcissist but tries to hide that fact by acting humble and modest. She too cracks horny jokes and goes around with friends all the time. She loves to give smileys and is basically quite stupid but she can fake intelligence pretty well.
I am a nikamma. :(

(p.s: the fact that the TOI columnist calls himself a nikamma has elevated the meaning of the word itself. hence the word has been used in appreciation of myself, by myself. )

Exams? duh

I am going to write about examinations. I know it is sickening. But I need to vent out my anger on the system of testing here. Or else i shall be venting out on the Paper from Tuesday onwards- and that wouldn't exactly make my future any brighter.

We little mortals like to live life to the lees... (Did i just quote Tennyson's Ulysses? I bet he wouldn't have bothered about seeking knowledge beyond horizon had he been provided with a set of entrance exam paper before venturing out to do so. Huh.) Examinations only tie us down to sit and study (read: gulp down words without having to understand them). I really wonder why we have so many formally recognised marks or grade-based examinations on the field of education. Why, for example, aren't we supposed to give an examination (both theoretical and practical) before getting married to begin ones conjugal life formally? Examinations are supposed to rate us so that we can plan our future well, according to our means and talent, right? Then why don't we have a formally recognised examination in the world's most fascinating projects- population exploder? I have a strong feeling that this would have prevented our Great Population Boom.

The West Bengal Board of Higher Secondary Education has got its own signature style where implementation of examination is concerned. For the 'benefit' of their super- intelligent students, even the class eleven final exams are supposed to be given at an external examination centre. Luckily, they provide us with ample entertainment. For example, our centre is very close to an inanely cheap prostitution den, and hence youthful and not so youthful sex starved men are often seen to be aligning themselves near the walls of the centre and its periphery in order to grab their human- viagra. :| Thanks, WBBHSE.

Another interesting sight to watch during examinations are the parents and the examinees themselves. the poor parents mob the centres with tiffin boxes and water bottles, trying to get a glimpse of their superstar sons and daughters who are going to go through the Great Examinations. Boys and girls get into the halls with red symbols of some gods and goddesses on their foreheads, and come out with teary eyes- as if their life has ruined. A few peaceful souls have happy faces- not because of a good paper, but because of the end of the examinations.

Hail to thee, oh ye Exam Spirit.